Don't Curb Your Enthusiasm

I found a great book I wasn't supposed to be interested in.  Think and Grow Rich: A Black Choice by Dennis Kimbro and Napoleon Hill.  Normally I would regard the title as boooooooogus, but years ago one of my favorite colleagues, himself Black and an ex-offender, told me how it inspired him.  Seeing it available for one mere dollar at Written Words Bookstore (www.writtenwordsbookstore.com.  Did you all catch the shout out?), I decided to buy it.  I've been reading a lot about money these days.  And I am thinking about it as part of our life force and how our history and psychology mingle with it.  How do we create abundance?  How do we create deprivation?  What stories do we tell ourselves regarding it? 


I'm not halfway through this very short and readable paperback and the main idea is hitting me like a piano falling on my head.  Be enthusiastic about your idea!  LOVE your idea.  Sleep, eat, and breathe your idea.  Hold it to your bosom like a newborn baby and keep nurturing it.  

The Black authors say they wrote this book for Black Americans who struggle with success.  But this middle-aged White chick struggles with it as well.  The stories we tell ourselves, they say, determine how hard we will work, whom we will attract to help us, and if we keep our eyes and ears open for opportunities.  The stories can keep us moving through the long, dark nights into the light of day or stuck at an entrance, trying to find the way in.  I have not been telling myself very good stories.  "Why would anyone want to pay for a course on silence?  That's just an absurd notion!"  "Why would anyone come to a working class neighborhood for a silent retreat?  God knows there are far more beautiful places for that."  More significant is "Why does my passion for this persist?  I must be crazy."  Enough!


Many of us now desire a different lifestyle.  Either 9 to 5 no longer appeals to us, or it no longer wants us.  We are now creating new forms of work that spring from our unique gifts, gifts that aren't always conventional.  It is tough, often lonely, confusing, and we make mistakes (Boy, do I hate that part).  We need buddies to help us through all of this.  Not just networking groups--buddies.  People we know and trust, who care about us, and remind us of why we're doing what we do.  We need to share better stories to get to success.  We need to keep each others' enthusiasm burning brightly.

So here's my challenge to you:  All of you, if you would, please--PLEASE--declare to the rest of us what you are enthusiastic about.  What do you want to achieve?  How can we help each other?  If you've already achieved a dream or two, what did you learn?  What got you scared?  What made you brave?  Would you like to be a mentor?  Come back to this post often and see who's responding to YOU.  Pass this blog post on to others who might be interested.  If you want to make a private connection, let me know; I can play go-between, providing email addresses or phone numbers.  Maybe there's some face to face opportunities in the offing.  Anything could happen.  I created this blog to create community.  Come join in! 


Wow!  I'm feeling really enthusiastic about this!!!


Pax tecum.

Playing the Fool for God

God makes me do foolish things.  I live in the over-amped, over-worked southwest of the northeast, and I am constantly called out of a steady job to do things that are hard to define (like this blog).  In my time I've worked successfully as a librarian, a university administrator, an HR manager, and a few other things in between.  This itinerary is due partly to boredom or wicked stress.  But it's not that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  In every instance I feel this persistent inspiration to take a long step out into space to do something else, something more meaningful, spiritual, and useful to more people.  I feel called to live a different kind of life--a more authentic life.  I feel called to speak about it and help others pursue it.   So I chuck these jobs for a new venture: Reiki, life coaching, a semi-monastic life.  The effort seems to take longer than I think it should.  My finances get shaky. Then off I run to the safety of 9 to 5, trying once again to pass for normal in this society.

Since I have no spouse or children, it is easier for me to take risks than it may be for most people.  Still I often feel like a fool.  I have anxiety around my free-wheeling lifestyle.  There is no dependable income.  It is hard to talk about myself in introductory conversations where the question "So what do you do?" eventually comes up.  But recently I've begun to recast my life.  "I'm no pigeon," I said to myself in a moment of clarity.  "So I don't fit in a pigeon hole!"  

The epiphany expanded.  I realized that I am not failing--bailing, yes, but not failing!  The problem is that I am not trusting. I believe my spirituality needs to be scripted.  And when the script is rewritten, I either lose faith or I reexamine my faith--the best case scenario. I keep trying to make my life into something booked by a travel agent when, in fact, I'm drawing the map as I go.  I have a growing suspicion that if I just release the expectations of how I think things should work, I just might be able to fulfill my calling.  It is also my fast growing experience that there are others--you perhaps--who are searching for a more authentic life outside the pigeon hole.

So, Gentle Reader, please take note:  I am writing this in the present tense.  If you are looking for answers here you'll stumble upon them--as well as the blocks--in real time right along with me.  But I'm guessing if I avoid the pigeon holes in my own mind, this is going to be a far richer and more useful life.  Thank you for walking some of this path with me and sharing any maps you may have in your pocket with all of us.  Pax tecum.